Thursday, May 13, 2021

Actual Art

Walls of art marching
against sensory perception,
walls exhaust me. Not as much 
as grunt-work at the gravel
plant. Still. Excess of art
fries neurons, sends the self
searching for a burrow.

The Hermitage hit me
like a tsunami. Bus loads
of tourists triggered
a riptide. I ran gasping
to the gift shop. A way
to ease back into reality.

Among postcard re-
productions, I found 
an original print from an
engraving, contemporary
Russian artist. Brown ink.
A simple St. Petersburg
street scene--bridge, river,
stolid building. The cashier,

a lovely woman with Nordic
blue eyes, said, "This is
actually art." "Yes--so glad
I found it," I said. Cold Wars
new and old did not stop
us from agreeing. Somewhere
in St. Petersburg, the artist
toiled at her day job. Outside

the Hermitage with my 
actual art in a brown paper
sack, I accepted September
sun warmth gratefully.
Breathed, the great palace
of art behind my back.


hans ostrom 2021

Thursday, April 29, 2021

Back at Your Place

when you're nobody special,
no one in particular besides 
your particular self, with those
eyebrows of yours and memories
of a childhood pond-raft called
"Sinking Slowly," a taste 
for fried trout and boiled potatoes,
an innate attraction to women
whose figures (a euphemism)
some people called "voluptuous,"

your sad, haphazard collections
of stamps and baseball cards
(the latter cut clumsily from
cereal boxes), your affection
for a tan chenille bed-spread
(and for the term "bed-spread"),
and a relationship to books
some found overly intense, then

it's hard, when you go to school,
to work and parties, events
and protests; yes, it's difficult
to become the additional and 
enhanced other, the one you're
expected to be, a Situational
You. It is exhausting, in fact,

and back at your place, again,
resting, reading, perhaps thinking
of a voluptuous woman with
whom you engaged in awkward
discourse while inhaling her
natural and manufactured
perfumes, you might ask, 
with tiresome faux naivete, 
"Whose idea was Society,
anyway?" Anyway, you are
and shall remain, just you. 


hans ostrom 2021

Monday, April 26, 2021

Sometimes Shame

sometimes shame seems

like a thin scum on a still pool.

other times, like an avalanche

aimed at what's left of your



self worth. shame can make

you want to walk away from 

yourself--until you come to the

end of the chain and recall



you can't do that. some days

you find you feel like a boss.

you fire shame, tell it to haul

its slithery useless self off



your job site. because you

have work to do. because

you know again that shame 

is not the same as you. 


hans ostrom 2021

Collect Call

"Collect Call": nothing but a cast-off
piece of telecommunications junk. 
At the dig, go down a few layers,
pull it up, wipe off the dirt. Yeah,

you're in a phone booth--upright
glass coffin, accordion door, a fat
greasy pawed-over phone book
dangling from a chain like a ham. 

Pop your only coin in the phone's
chrome slot, hear the black box
taste it, then swallow it, gulping. 
Dial zero & as the wheel turns,

listen to it skip over numbers
in ticks. Woman's voice. Always. 
Profession: "Operator," which is
the first words she says. Say,

"I'd like to make a collect call,
person-to-person." Say city,
state (province, country). The
name of the person you imagine

will not be there. Spell name
for Operator. Suspense. Then
the purring of an analogue phone
ringing. Now enter a virtual

probation zone. Hear click 
and voice. Operator: "I have
a collect call person-to-person
from . . . . will you accept?"

Wait while wrong voice seeks
right voice. Do not speak yet.
Person you expected not to be
there is there. Operator repeats

operator-speak. "Will you accept
the charges?" "Yes." "Go ahead."
Exhilarated, you chat and chit 
before explaining your desperate need.

. . . Yeah, you had to find a phone
booth and have a coin. Or ask to use
somebody's phone. The person
had to be there, not next door, 

and had to accept being the one
from whom the phone company,
not carrier, collected. Had to want
to be the person in person-to-person.

An Operator had to broker
your intimacy, your broke-ass
status. Maybe someone had died,
or you just got off a bus or had

survived a hitched ride. Your
car broke down. You'd woke up
robbed except for a quarter. And
you were in a phone booth lit

up like a tanning booth. Digital
virtuality lay ahead in Time,
circling a black hole. You were
stuck in a here, back there,

cold, holding a a grimy black
receiver on a chrome cord. And
here it is, in your hand, the Collect
Call (Person-to-Person). And you

don't want it. That's not why you
came to dig in the dig. It's awkward,
quaint, and stupid. You throw it back
and get your phone wafer out

and tap it twice, maybe three times,
and talk as you ride your present
moment, clouds and mists, fogs and
storms of unheard voices all around you. 

But if your in the booth,
and the call has ended, and before
shove the door aside: take that coin
the phone barfed back. 


hans ostrom 

Thursday, April 22, 2021

San Diego from the Air

from the air

the spread of hovels
looks like a scaly skin
disease only saltwater stops.

mansions are the
the same as shacks, just
larger roofs. tower, warehouse?

no matter. 
all belong to an 
untreatable scourges. it

will run its
course. our course. to
what end, who can say? many

do say. an
apocalypse of
capitalisms' necessary 

addiction to
growth, manifest 
infestation of the mildly

named "development"?
climate catastrophe? or
just everything as it should be?

oh, do not worry.
everything's under control.
Our Lord Economy is Growing.

enclaves of wealth
under siege, desperate mobs
climbing hills and walls, waves of a blood tide?

in san diego
they talk a lot about the "cost
of living." their definition's narrow. 

on the ground, in
traffic, some wonder, does this
make sense, does this make sense at all?


hans ostrom 2021

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Our Grandest Illusion


Even if what we know is incorrect,
and most of it is, 
how could it not be, 
it's knowledge: it's in there,
camped in memory, sending
smoke signals from box canyons,
tramping around neuron trails. 

The grandest illusion of all,
knowledge, freeze-dried 
in old books, hoarded like grain
and gunpowder in electronic
forts, marbled into our speech
and memories, alive in lore,
legend, lies, logos, ethos,
eros, and pathos. Still,

add it all up, and it's just 
a single torch held up
against abysmal black
darkness in a forest
no one's yet named on
one of a trillion planets. 

The one and the zero 
in binary strings: we know
everything, we know nothing,
a lot, a little bit, maybe, hard
to say, wait and see. You know?


hans ostrom 2021

Sunday, April 11, 2021

Empire, Why Will You?

Will you invade again, Empire?
To show your Empire license
hasn't expired? Send troops,
send planes and drones with
bombs, ready the rockets
and missiles, prepare to unleash
empirical Hell? Again? 

We know the arguments against.
The moral, the political,
and the historical. Today
I'm thinking of the emotional. 
Dead children. Dead everyone.
Terrorized families. Blasted homes.
No place to go, no water
to drink, no hope, no food. 

And the practical. When you
can trade for and buy
treasure, when your people
have plenty, when you can
defend yourself a hundred
times over, when your people
are sick of war and just
want to live and work and
love, when your power's

already super, why perform this
depraved stupidity again?
Is it out of some sick habit?
Some cultural addiction?
To what end? I guess if I have
to task the question, then
I'm not empire material. 
Although I live in one of several.


hans ostrom 2021

Wanting Nothing Is Impossible

 At the Art Institute, I saw someone

I'd met professionally a while back.

We talked easily enough.  I offered

to buy us something to eat, museum café.



She accepted. Younger than I, she'd

lived a lot already.  I sensed she was

broke— nothing obvious, just intuition.

With coffee and food, we talked



more.  I said I was

glad we had run into each other.

It was true.  Happenstance

had pleased me.  Her



face changed.  Maybe apparitions 

of men she’d known had  appeared

around the table.  Maybe she couldn’t

recall a single social interaction



in which someone but especially

men had not seemed

to want too much from her.

I sensed she was broke.  I saw she



thought she saw me  wanting something.

It’s true.  I wanted her to finish her

coffee and say, “Nice to see you,”

and leave.  I wanted to say,

 

“Nice to see you,” and leave.

We said phrases like that.  Her

face kept its wariness.   Her

experience had put her on alert.



We left the café and parted.

Can the pronoun “he” ever

want nothing from the pronoun “her”?

Only in theory.  My acquaintance



did not live in theory.  Her life

 was composed of constant practice.

Insistent apparitions had sat at table.

I sensed she was broke.  Now I hope



that she’s not broke, that she’s

better and well. Well, when I think

of her that day, I feel  briefly sad for

simple social moves quickly



complex in Chicago, not to mention

everywhere.  I am a ghost at

a café table in the Art Institute

looking at her guarded face.  I want



to say, “I don’t want anything.  Just

enjoy the coffee, the food, the rest.”

Her face says, “If you say that,

then you do want something.  You



want me to believe you, and believe the rest.”


hans ostrom 1990/2021

Monday, April 5, 2021

Sunshine and Shadow

 "Surely there was a time I might have trod

The sunlit heights . . ." --Oscar Wilde, "Helas"

One day you're running in sunshine,
the next just walking in it, 
a little weary. The day after that,
you're walking in shade,
more tired still. And the next:
sitting in shadows. Then, well,
you become a shadow. People
come running and strolling by
in bright light. They glance your way
and don't see anything.



hans ostrom 2021

Friday, April 2, 2021

Must We Fall in Love?

Eve and colleague Adam

tripped over an apple and fell.

A snake smirked. I myself


have fallen in love

after stumbling over

a load of infatuation,


or bumbling through

a course of social

obstacles: slapstick


Casanova. This falling

in love sounds so fateful,

injurious, actionable--


beset by heartfelt

soreness, bruised feelings,

ego deflation. We're liable


to dislike it. The idea of love

sells tickets and products

and rosy futures: thus are


we encouraged to take

risks, show caution the door.

Well, we might think of


leaning in love, after a

light repast and several

laughs. Or rolling in love,


weaving like in-line

skaters near the beach,

glad and balanced.


Yes I know it's counter-

cultural, but what about a

steady climb into love?


One foot after another?

No, I guess not. Passion's

ever the fashion. Good luck.


hans ostrom 2021

Thursday, April 1, 2021

What the Shadow Cat Said

Sunlight hits a narrow
bookshelf, shapes
a perfect cat shadow--
ears and legs and all.

This cat doesn't move.
Its assumed eyes stare.
Its supposed mouth opens
to accuse perception

of being little more
than a collage of simulations,
reactions to effects, habits
of getting it wrong. 

And who am I, 
watching the wall,
behind the books, to
contradict a shadow cat?


hans ostrom 2021

Friday, March 26, 2021

And Hope for the Best

okay, I never starved
and I was white not black
in America

but I've been alarmed
ever since I learned
life ends with death.

then came pageants
of cruelty,
the always prospect

of atomic 
annihilation, and
white kids groomed

by their stupid
parents to hate black
kids--for starters;

a head-on collision
with environmental
doom, sadists

in the workplace.
okay, I've had it good--
for starters; but

still, no wonder
I'm jumpy, reclusive,
bookish, and not

just tired but
existentially weary;
I'm talking old

dog tired. no bombs,
missiles, store
massacres, floods,

fires, new plagues,
attacks on black friends
locally today, so

okay, call it good,
do something for someone,
then grab a nap

and hope for the best
and hope for the best
and hope for the best.



hans ostrom

Strange Feeling

(after listening to Duke Ellington's
"Strange Feeling")


Half the people
who ever insulted
me are dead.

That makes me
feel strange for ever
caring what they said.



hans ostrom 2021