Back at Your Place

when you're nobody special,

no one in particular besides 

your particular self, with those

eyebrows of yours and memories

of a childhood pond-raft called

"Sinking Slowly," a taste 

for fried trout and boiled potatoes,

an innate attraction to women

whose figures (a euphemism)

some people called "voluptuous,"

your sad, haphazard collections

of stamps and baseball cards

(the latter cut clumsily from

cereal boxes), your affection

for a tan chenille bed-spread

(and for the term "bed-spread"),

and a relationship to books

some found overly intense, then

it's hard, when you go to school,

to work and parties, events

and protests; yes, it's difficult

to become the additional and 

enhanced other, the one you're

expected to be, a Situational

You. It is exhausting, in fact,

and back at your place, again,

resting, reading, perhaps thinking

of a voluptuous woman with

whom you engaged in awkward

discourse while inhaling her

natural and manufactured

perfumes, you might ask, 

with tiresome faux naivete, 

"Whose idea was Society,

anyway?" Anyway, you are

and shall remain, just you. 

hans ostrom 2021

Sometimes Shame

sometimes shame seems

like a thin scum on a still pool.

other times, like an avalanche

aimed at what's left of your

self worth. shame can make

you want to walk away from 

yourself--until you come to the

end of the chain and recall

you can't do that. some days

you find you feel like a boss.

you fire shame, tell it to haul

its slithery useless self off

your job site. because you

have work to do. because

you know again that shame 

is not the same as you. 

hans ostrom 2021

Collect Call

"Collect Call": nothing but a cast-off

piece of telecommunications junk. 

At the dig, go down a few layers,

pull it up, wipe off the dirt. Yeah,

you're in a phone booth--upright

glass coffin, accordion door, a fat

greasy pawed-over phone book

dangling from a chain like a ham. 

Pop your only coin in the phone's

chrome slot, hear the black box

taste it, then swallow it, gulping. 

Dial zero & as the wheel turns,

listen to it skip over numbers

in ticks. Woman's voice. Always. 

Profession: "Operator," which is

the first words she says. Say,

"I'd like to make a collect call,

person-to-person." Say city,

state (province, country). The

name of the person you imagine

will not be there. Spell name

for Operator. Suspense. Then

the purring of an analogue phone

ringing. Now enter a virtual

probation zone. Hear click 

and voice. Operator: "I have

a collect call person-to-person

from . . . . will you accept?"

Wait while wrong voice seeks

right voice. Do not speak yet.

Person you expected not to be

there is there. Operator repeats

operator-speak. "Will you accept

the charges?" "Yes." "Go ahead."

Exhilarated, you chat and chit 

before explaining your desperate need.

. . . Yeah, you had to find a phone

booth and have a coin. Or ask to use

somebody's phone. The person

had to be there, not next door, 

and had to accept being the one

from whom the phone company,

not carrier, collected. Had to want

to be the person in person-to-person.

An Operator had to broker

your intimacy, your broke-ass

status. Maybe someone had died,

or you just got off a bus or had

survived a hitched ride. Your

car broke down. You'd woke up

robbed except for a quarter. And

you were in a phone booth lit

up like a tanning booth. Digital

virtuality lay ahead in Time,

circling a black hole. You were

stuck in a here, back there,

cold, holding a a grimy black

receiver on a chrome cord. And

here it is, in your hand, the Collect

Call (Person-to-Person). And you

don't want it. That's not why you

came to dig in the dig. It's awkward,

quaint, and stupid. You throw it back

and get your phone wafer out

and tap it twice, maybe three times,

and talk as you ride your present

moment, clouds and mists, fogs and

storms of unheard voices all around you. 

But if your in the booth,

and the call has ended, and before

shove the door aside: take that coin

the phone barfed back. 

hans ostrom 

San Diego from the Air

from the air

the spread of hovels

looks like a scaly skin

disease only saltwater stops.

mansions are the

the same as shacks, just

larger roofs. tower, warehouse?

no matter. 

all belong to an 

untreatable scourges. it

will run its

course. our course. to

what end, who can say? many

do say. an

apocalypse of

capitalisms' necessary 

addiction to

growth, manifest 

infestation of the mildly

named "development"?

climate catastrophe? or

just everything as it should be?

oh, do not worry.

everything's under control.

Our Lord Economy is Growing.

enclaves of wealth

under siege, desperate mobs

climbing hills and walls, waves of a blood tide?

in san diego

they talk a lot about the "cost

of living." their definition's narrow. 

on the ground, in

traffic, some wonder, does this

make sense, does this make sense at all?

hans ostrom 2021

Our Grandest Illusion

Even if what we know is incorrect,

and most of it is, 

how could it not be, 

it's knowledge: it's in there,

camped in memory, sending

smoke signals from box canyons,

tramping around neuron trails. 

The grandest illusion of all,

knowledge, freeze-dried 

in old books, hoarded like grain

and gunpowder in electronic

forts, marbled into our speech

and memories, alive in lore,

legend, lies, logos, ethos,

eros, and pathos. Still,

add it all up, and it's just 

a single torch held up

against abysmal black

darkness in a forest

no one's yet named on

one of a trillion planets. 

The one and the zero 

in binary strings: we know

everything, we know nothing,

a lot, a little bit, maybe, hard

to say, wait and see. You know?

hans ostrom 2021

Empire, Why Will You?

Will you invade again, Empire?

To show your Empire license

hasn't expired? Send troops,

send planes and drones with

bombs, ready the rockets

and missiles, prepare to unleash

empirical Hell? Again? 

We know the arguments against.

The moral, the political,

and the historical. Today

I'm thinking of the emotional. 

Dead children. Dead everyone.

Terrorized families. Blasted homes.

No place to go, no water

to drink, no hope, no food. 

And the practical. When you

can trade for and buy

treasure, when your people

have plenty, when you can

defend yourself a hundred

times over, when your people

are sick of war and just

want to live and work and

love, when your power's

already super, why perform this

depraved stupidity again?

Is it out of some sick habit?

Some cultural addiction?

To what end? I guess if I have

to task the question, then

I'm not empire material. 

Although I live in one of several.

hans ostrom 2021

Wanting Nothing Is Impossible

 At the Art Institute, I saw someone

I'd met professionally a while back.

We talked easily enough.  I offered

to buy us something to eat, museum café.

She accepted. Younger than I, she'd

lived a lot already.  I sensed she was

broke— nothing obvious, just intuition.

With coffee and food, we talked

more.  I said I was

glad we had run into each other.

It was true.  Happenstance

had pleased me.  Her

face changed.  Maybe apparitions 

of men she’d known had  appeared

around the table.  Maybe she couldn’t

recall a single social interaction

in which someone but especially

men had not seemed

to want too much from her.

I sensed she was broke.  I saw she

thought she saw me  wanting something.

It’s true.  I wanted her to finish her

coffee and say, “Nice to see you,”

and leave.  I wanted to say,

 

“Nice to see you,” and leave.

We said phrases like that.  Her

face kept its wariness.   Her

experience had put her on alert.

We left the café and parted.

Can the pronoun “he” ever

want nothing from the pronoun “her”?

Only in theory.  My acquaintance

did not live in theory.  Her life

 was composed of constant practice.

Insistent apparitions had sat at table.

I sensed she was broke.  Now I hope

that she’s not broke, that she’s

better and well. Well, when I think

of her that day, I feel  briefly sad for

simple social moves quickly

complex in Chicago, not to mention

everywhere.  I am a ghost at

a café table in the Art Institute

looking at her guarded face.  I want

to say, “I don’t want anything.  Just

enjoy the coffee, the food, the rest.”

Her face says, “If you say that,

then you do want something.  You

want me to believe you, and believe the rest.”

hans ostrom 1990/2021

Sunshine and Shadow

 "Surely there was a time I might have trod

The sunlit heights . . ." --Oscar Wilde, "Helas"

One day you're running in sunshine,

the next just walking in it, 

a little weary. The day after that,

you're walking in shade,

more tired still. And the next:

sitting in shadows. Then, well,

you become a shadow. People

come running and strolling by

in bright light. They glance your way

and don't see anything.

hans ostrom 2021

Must We Fall in Love?

Eve and colleague Adam

tripped over an apple and fell.

A snake smirked. I myself

have fallen in love

after stumbling over

a load of infatuation,

or bumbling through

a course of social

obstacles: slapstick

Casanova. This falling

in love sounds so fateful,

injurious, actionable--

beset by heartfelt

soreness, bruised feelings,

ego deflation. We're liable

to dislike it. The idea of love

sells tickets and products

and rosy futures: thus are

we encouraged to take

risks, show caution the door.

Well, we might think of

leaning in love, after a

light repast and several

laughs. Or rolling in love,

weaving like in-line

skaters near the beach,

glad and balanced.

Yes I know it's counter-

cultural, but what about a

steady climb into love?

One foot after another?

No, I guess not. Passion's

ever the fashion. Good luck.

hans ostrom 2021

What the Shadow Cat Said

Sunlight hits a narrow

bookshelf, shapes

a perfect cat shadow--

ears and legs and all.

This cat doesn't move.

Its assumed eyes stare.

Its supposed mouth opens

to accuse perception

of being little more

than a collage of simulations,

reactions to effects, habits

of getting it wrong. 

And who am I, 

watching the wall,

behind the books, to

contradict a shadow cat?

hans ostrom 2021