Leaving the Holiday Party Early

Amidst the burnished

buzzing of chat, you
say thanks to the host.

Then thread yourself
through clumps
of standing talkers.

You see yourself
out, as they say,
and close the door.

You deep-breathe
to sample cold air
and walk until

you can't hear
the party at all
anymore. Maybe

you'll go on
forever, past all
gatherings,

past being you,
past being, into infinity's
big get-together.

hans ostrom 2024

10 Tips for Successful Holiday Entertaining

 (re-posting one from long ago)

1. Hide

2. Surprise your guests by dressing up as Santa Claws, the Beast from the South Pole.

3. Invite friends of many and no faiths and from across the political spectrum. Insist that they discuss only politics and religion. If the conversation lags, bring up the topic of sports teams.

4. Hold a seance and summon the spirits of dead-gifts-past: Soap on a Rope, the Gensu Slicer, 007 Perfume, Medieval Scholar Barbie.

5. Take any Martha Stewart recipe and add absinthe.

6. Spend an evening with your favorite nice-and-naughty person and insist that she or he be good, for goodness sake, if not excellent.

7. Host a small gathering of Philatelists, and have them display their holiday stamps from around the world.

8. Play "The Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies" backwards and listen for secret messages.

9. Sponsor a cage-match between Frosty the Snowman and Jack Frost.

10. After the chestnuts have been roasted on an open fire in the street where you live, put on a bright red nose (and nothing else), dance ecstatically, listen for the festive sounds of sleigh bells, dreidels, and police sirens.